USPS

This week the US Postal Service returned two birthday cards that were mailed last week stating that $.39 was insufficient postage and that an additional $.13 was required. The explanation was that they could not process the letters and they were consequently requesting, in their terms, a “nonmachinable surcharge.” If anyone wonders why the Post Office is losing money and why people are turning to more expensive alternatives such as Mailboxes, the answer is contained in the Return to Sender message pasted over the address. The instructions on what makes up an unacceptable letter, to USPS, is reproduced below in its entirety.

a. Square letters
b. Height exceeds 6 1/8 inches or length exceeds 11 ½ inches or thickness exceeds ¼ inch.
c. Length (dimension parallel to the address) divided by height is less than 1.3 or more than 2.5.
d. Clasps, strings, buttons, or similar closure devices.
e. Too rigid or contains items that cause uneven thickness.
f. Address is parallel to the shorter dimension.

Speaking of dimensions, USPS exists in a parallel dimension to the one the rest of us live in.